Hello.
I won't burden you with many of the trivialities at the moment, since you don't really need to know much, if any of them anyway, since I hope you get to know me as we go along. All you really need to know if you're actually going to bother snooping around this little plot at all is that I'm a girl who seems to be forever placing herself at a new crossroads in life, always meeting a new decision and trying to duke it out as best I can with each well-qualified contender before choosing which bend in the lane to follow next. Basically, I'm just trying to go through life whilst doing my utmost to be myself as truly as I can be without kicking up too much of a fuss; and for me, that can sometimes pose quite the challenge. After all, as I learned early on in life, it's no easy task being an honest individual, least of all when you're dealing with yourself. That being said, though I've been making it my current project to go about this lofty goal of 'being true to myself' and all that, it's still at best a mighty work in progress.
As you can perhaps see by my narrative style, I've read far too many good books in my time to not have the experience reflect poorly on my ability to be reasonably succinct. I am a lover of many things, and since I spent much of the first half of my life devoted to these passions and little else, the fire for them, for better or for worse, is in no danger of ever sputtering out. Naturally, this devotion hasn't won me dozens upon dozens of friends over the years, as such passions as mine are normally found in the form of the written word, a striking image captured by a lens or the crunch of pine needles under one's feet... Not exactly things that can return an admiring glance or hold a more than one-sided conversation.
That's not to say, however, that I am a complete social recluse. Though, admittedly, more than one of my acquaintance would attest to the fact that I do enjoy my 'alone time' -- or, as I like to call it, 'moments of sanity/periods of much-needed reflection -- considerably when I can manage to carve it out of my often hectic schedule. I like talking, I like people, I like conversations. A few people I really and truly care for, fewer I most honestly love, and fewest of all I sincerely dislike. I'm more than a little bit choosy when it comes to who and what I devote myself to, and won't bend over backwards for something that I don't feel is really and truly worth the time and effort. No one would call me a social butterfly, nor do I think many more would label me unsociable or even the least bit unfriendly. I like to engage, to suss out, to make my curiosity known and really get to know the people I find I like, for one reason or another. But honestly, despite my inherent level of choosiness, there are still very few I have discovered in this world to be truly genuine (the quality I value and respect most highly in any person, no matter who or what they are, our differences notwithstanding), but those I have found to be so I've taken great pains to hold onto and keep in contact with.
Like most people, I'm searching for something. Also, like most people, I'm not exactly sure as to what that something is. However (and I have absolutely no idea how like or unlike most people this next statement is), I've finally decided to give up searching for it altogether and just live my life until it so happens to find me along the way... And then, once I spot it, grab hold of it and do my best to never let it go. Despite my size, I'm told, I can prove to be quite tenacious, so I'm still hopeful of a positive outcome in all of this.
And, as for a last little ditty that you should probably know about me, despite the above resolution, I can guarantee I'll still worry myself to pieces over the question of whether or not I'll ever find 'so and so' or accomplish 'such and such' at some point in this life and, I can tell you right now, all that agonizing will do me absolutely no lick of good whatsoever. Doesn't mean I won't do it, naturally; over-thinking is in my nature and I've come to accept it as a fact that just cannot and will not be altered. If it's big enough and important enough, I'm sure if my wandering feet carry me in enough directions and lead me to enough interesting places, I'm bound to run into whatever 'it' may be eventually.
So, now that all that existential angst is out of the way, let me just say that it really doesn't matter to me or anyone else who or who doesn't read this little account. As I've said before, I'm just a girl. In this particular case, just a girl in need of someone, anyone to write to. Being the sort of sentimental ninny I am, I do keep a diary, but I just needed something different; something a bit more anonymous and a bit more public (if that makes any sense at all, which I doubt) to be a forum in which my thoughts can have at each other whenever they're so inclined. A cybernetic venue of self-reflection, you might say... or not, it's your choice & I did give you the option.
In other words, this little plot is for me, to say and do as I like & hang everything else. Just like in life, I'll say and do as I please and how I please as best I can go about it, all the while working by that little 'I' that guides me and (hopefully) keeps me from making too much of a damned fool of myself in the process. We will see about that last part, though...
So stay tuned, if you like, in the coming weeks for my ruminations on the beginning of another year of academia, of which hopefully a much lower percentage will be slog and a much higher one for new experiences, new friends, new adventures, and a great deal more genuine learning.
And, to whosoever you may be, dear Reader:
I wish you only the very best in all things, great & small.
(And thanks so much for listening!)
Yours,
Torey
